A Story About Self-Love

I was headed to the country for a weekend away with my boyfriend and his group of friends.

My mental and emotional state were not great, albeit not horrible.

The best way I could describe it was as a feeling of discomfort (likely stemming from my classic stresses around career, finances, and the meaning of life .. you know the little things).

The first night at the chalet was lively. The room was vibrating with music and dancing.

But my vibes were not nearly as festive.

I felt heavy in my head and heart.

I was doing my best to be a good member of the group. But I soon realized, there was no use in forcing it.

I made the bold move of slipping away to take a bath.

Feeling that heaviness - I knew my body, mind and soul were telling me that I needed to care for myself.

I was not ok. And recognizing that was huge for me. But doing something about it was even bigger.

As I simply sat with all the emotions that were coming up, I was able to pinpoint that they were stemming from feelings of unworthiness and shame.

Although I love connecting with people, I am – in large part – an introvert. I need time alone to reenergize.

But this need for introspection and solitude in a world that seems to celebrate movement and noise, often tricks me into thinking I’m broken.

As I lay in the bath, I spoke to the Life Force which I believe is around us – and is us. I asked for a miracle. I asked for guidance and clarity.

I wish I could say I was hit by a flash of insight and all the answers presented themselves instantly.

But guidance and clarity typically come to me in subtle ways. In silence. Or in synchronicities.

I had to remain patient..

The next day – less than 24 hours after I had asked for it - the guidance and clarity did come.

Here are the 3 moments that illustrate how it came, how I heard it and how I took action on it.

By sharing my process and lifting the veil into the most vulnerable, intimate parts of my own human experience, I hope it can serve you in some way on your own journey.

Moment #1

The first moment came to me as a piece of content.

I received a notification from my Astrology app (The Pattern) that confirmed exactly what I was going through internally.

(Side note - Astrology has been a tremendous tool for me lately. If it calls to you, highly suggest you look into it!).

It mentioned how I’m being called right now to fully accept and own who I am…despite my tendencies to take time alone and go inward. Spot on!!

Moments of synchronicity like this actually feel like the Universe is communicating. And I truly believe it is.

Moment #2

The second synchronistic moment came to me as an urge.

Over the past week, I’d been wanting to see and treat myself with more self-compassion.

I then remembered this 10-day Radical Compassion Challenge hosted by Tara Brach that I suddenly got the urge to do.

I went into our bedroom and did the 15-minute meditation.

When I returned downstairs to the group, I brought with me a totally different energy compared to the night before.

I felt light. Comfortable in my skin. And instead of being utterly lost in my own heavy experience, I felt full – full enough to show up the way I wanted to for others.

When I feel full, this is when I’m able to come out of my own experience in a way where I naturally and genuinely care about others around me.

I'm not in my head, but in my heart. I ask more engaging questions. I am more pulled into the collective human experience... this is where I love to be.

And what I've found is that the key to unlocking that experience is to come from a place of self-compassion and love.

Moment #3

Because I was now in a more loving and compassionate place with myself, I was energetically communicating this openness, fullness and acceptance with others.

Effortlessly, I was led to a beautiful conversation.

We opened up to each other – and surprise, surprise – she had been going through something similar.

She spoke to me about her own struggles with self-compassion, stress, self-doubt.

And while facing her own heaviness, she was guided to brilliant insights.

Her revelations included this pure acceptance of the human experience as a whole – the good and the bad.

She realized that there wasn’t anywhere she needed to get to. Nothing she needed to accomplish. And no one she needed to be.

She was confirming so many of my own recent revelations.

And as we spoke and shared, I was healing and transforming.

This is the power of conversation.

And this is the power CWIET Time stands for.

It is a reminder that despite the multitude of transformational books, wise gurus, and inspirational content, we are always our greatest teachers.

It can take something as simple as being vulnerable and opening up to others to facilitate our greatest healing and most fulfilling experiences.

That is why raw, honest conversations can be so transformational.

To let others into our own human experience can bring with it such magic.

As you go on your own journey of understanding your relationship with yourself, and transforming it into one filled with self-love and compassion – remember that there isn’t anything you necessarily need to figure out.

Be curious. Get comfortable with uncertainty. Have fun uncovering layer by layer who you really are. And have even more fun as you watch even that change and evolve, as you play with the impermanence of life.

Simply show up, open up and connect to the silence of the heart that demands nothing from us except for a quiet, gentle nudge towards our destiny.



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© CWIET Time, 2020