What Has Worked For Me In Love & Partnership

For this Valentine’s-day inspired post, I wanted to move away from the classic How-To, towards simply sharing my own experiences with love.

Lately, I’ve been feeling compelled to teach less and share more.

According to the Astrological Ages, we’ve moved out of the Piscean age (the age of hierarchy and power), into the Aquarian Age (the age of information and wholeness).

During the Aquarian Age, there is less focus on hierarchy, identity and needing to believe in something outside ourselves. No one person or philosophy is believed to have the answer.

There is now more focus on accepting that we already have the knowledge and wisdom within ourselves.

To be of service to humanity isn’t to directly teach, but to explore and share.

On that note - here is my personal experience with romantic partnership and love - and the tools I used to help me experience true fulfillment and joy in this area.

What has worked for me around love & partnership:

1. The most important, intimate relationship is with the Self.

A few years before meeting my partner, I felt like a total mess - not only in my romantic relationships, but with myself.

Simply put - I was not in a good place emotionally, physically and mentally.

But as I got to know myself more intimately (i.e. spending time alone, taking up different hobbies, reading books, taking time for contemplation and reflection etc..), I was able to fall in love with myself and my life more deeply.

This allowed me to bring a more empowering, confident, liberated version of me to my relationships.

2. Being grateful for what is.

I am so grateful for every single one of my past relationships for they helped me learn what I did and didn’t want.

This clarity was the foundation for calling in the partnership and love I’ve always wanted.

As Abraham-Hicks states:

“And without the ability to know what you do not want, you could not know what you do want. And so, it is through your exposure to life experience that your natural preferences are born.”

Living different experiences provides us with the opportunity to get clear on our preferences and intentions.

Knowing what you don’t want, will help you clarify and focus on what you do want.

Often times, I would be in a relationship and I would intuitively know it wasn’t the long-term partnership I wanted.

I would become stressed about wasting each other’s time. I would feel guilty. I would feel hopeless thinking that perhaps what I wanted didn’t exist. In short, I would fall into a negative thought loop.

Now that I have some perspective, I can see how all my past relationships were bridges to this current one. (And I wish I would’ve lightened up a little and had just enjoyed the ride!!).

3. Surrender & trust what can be.

I remember a distinct moment a month before meeting my partner.

I was alone in my room, playing with my tarot cards, reading and journaling..and feeling good. I felt gratitude for being able to feel content on my own. I felt gratitude to know and honour these parts of myself.

I silently said “It’s ok if I don’t end up with anybody. If I end up with myself, I’d still be happy.”

I felt the weight come off as I surrendered.

Up until then, I had really wanted to be in a healthy, loving relationship. I wished for it. I visualized it. I read books about it.

But what I hadn’t realized was the crushing pressure I was putting on life to make this happen.

I was resisting and blocking through my neediness.

When I faced the possibility of being alone, and made peace with that, I experienced true surrender and entered a flow state of sorts. And I believe that magic often happens in flow.

The night I met my partner, there were a string of events that placed me at that exact place, at that exact time.

The second I saw him, I felt pulled in. I grabbed my friend and dubbed her wing-woman as I went to go talk to him. And the rest is history ..

For time’s sake, I’m leaving out a lot of details. But there is no exaggeration when I say that the entire evening, it really did feel like a sort of energy current working through me, guiding me.

Call it flow, call it intuition. It seemed I was being led.

Closing thoughts

The partnership I have now is the culmination of years of work.

Because of the time I took to understand who I am and what I want, not only was I able to call in a partner that aligned with this, I was able to recognize it when the opportunity presented itself.

Because of the strong partnership I have with myself, I am able to give him and our relationship the space it needs to flourish. There is no projection or pressure placed on him to get what I’m not giving to myself.

It’s important to note - it isn’t all rainbows and butterflies..

Relationships - no matter how much love there is - is hard work. I’m triggered quite often. I have moments of deep insecurity and fear. But it’s pure love.

And I’m also not disillusioned. Even though I call my partner the one, and view my story as a happy ending of sorts - I’m aware that life is ever-changing and we are ever evolving. I’m very aware that it can all change. We can outgrow each other. We can fall out of love or in love with other people.

And that’s all ok.

Recognizing that makes me appreciate every moment that much more..

In a nutshell - love of oneself, gratitude for what was, and surrendering to and trusting what is - tap into this, and I have faith the relationship you truly want (in whatever form that comes in) will effortlessly make its way to you.